A Quiet Little Life
by scully-hearts-roslin
Summary: This story starts on Caprica and follows Laura Roslin's journey up until the middle of season 4, episode 16, DEADLOCK. Other characters included are the Adamas, Richard Adar and the Tighs.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Laura Roslin is not mine but I want her to be happy. **Setting:** First Caprica, then Calactica – the story starts pre-mini and ends after ep 4x16, DEADLOCK. **Pairing:** first Roslin/Adar, then Adama/Roslin because I'm following what BSG gave us up to DEADLOCK. Other characters mentioned or appearing are Saul Tigh, Ellen Tigh, Lee Adama. The timeline stays intact, so does the story told up to said episode (which also means it's not fun & games). I'm just adding a juicy _what if _with an open end. **Rating: **M for smut parts. **Spoilers:** Obviously all of BSG up to episode 4x16. **Summary:** This is Laura's journey. It's a simple as that. It's also as complex as that. :o) :o) Thanks for reading.

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**A Quiet Little Life**

She observed him from across the room. Eyes wide, he fought to stay awake – he was dead tired. Pondering how many people noticed that his shell was present but his mind was not, she smiled. _I wonder what he's thinking about_ – it was then that his eyes met hers, a jolt of light that startled her. A smile on his lips, so warm it made her blush. A nod with his head, he rolled his eyes and asked her if she was as bored as he was. A giggle, she couldn't help it, it escaped her throat. A smirk on his lips then and a scribbled note. „Run away with me." Her heart stopped beating for a bit. It was his leg that brushed against hers, his hand on her calf when she answered his move with a caress of her bare feet on his thigh. _What was she doing?_ He always made her do so many things.

With the meeting finally over, he let his fingers brush against hers. A question so subtle, _will you let me in?_ Left behind in the conference room, abandoned by their peers, she dropped her keys in his pocket and allowed her fingers to play with the sensitive skin under the thin fabric of his trousers. He closed his eyes, if only for a beat, and almost held her – he couldn't wait to make her his.

It had been weeks of stolen moments like that. A smile, her eyes resting on his, the way she crossed her legs or sat on them, shoes off her feet so small and delicate. It was her scent that allured him, the way she hummed his name, the grace in her steps when she walked. He loved to see her eat, so careful when she enjoyed her food, a moan born out of pleasure a simple dish was giving her. He loved to watch her go, took in the way she moved her hips to bid him farewell, the echo of her steps still vivid in his mind when he switched off the lights to sleep. He loved her hands up in the air when she talked, emphasizing a point she made or playing down an issue too unpleasant for her to enjoy delivering it. It was her quiet way of approving that made him lust after her, the way she tilted her head or praised him with a simple touch of her hand on his shoulder. How he wanted that hand to touch his skin instead of fabric.

It was an all-nighter on a couch that gave away his feelings for her. He knew she had seen his arousal when her hair brushed against his neck, hair so long and soft and ticklish. She had been humbled, astonished even, and had almost graced him with a kiss. The fact that she withdrew from him inches before her lips met his only made him desire her more.

It was the muffled sound of foot steps in his office that made him want her, the way she danced around and affair with him after meetings in hotel suites, on campaign trips or a party at her house. If only he knew how hard she was trying to say no.

Her keys in hands, Richard took a deep breath when he entered her room on the other side of the hall. She was in bed. It was late. Unsure if she would wait for him or pray he'd let this moment pass, he closed the door and allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness. Her form so peaceful under blankets and sheets, her hair so beautifully messed up and curly. She was more than an affair to him even before he turned her into one. His clothes on the floor faster than he realized, he reached out to touch her face and moved some strands of hair aside to find her smile.

„You came," her voice was hoarse and rough of sleep when she moved to give him enough room to rest beside her. Blanket tugged around them, Richard snuggled as close to her as she would let him, her naked skin electrifying his with every movement she made.

They lay entangled for a moment, allowing their bodies to find a language of their own. When his hand found her thighs, he left goosebumps wherever he touched her, featherlight, treating her like a precious piece of china. His heart pounded loudly in his chest and it was the soft rhythm of her moans that distracted him enough to listen to a melody she hummed for him alone. Exploring her skin inch by inch, it was as if his fingers wanted to learn her every move. He wanted to learn her by heart, preferences, shortcuts, ticklish spots. The way she raised her hips when he caressed her butt, her gasps and that throaty little giggle when he brushed his knuckles against the inside of her thighs. The way she blushed on her breasts and belly when he teased her core. The sound of her breath, the taste of her lips, her earlobes and her neck. He loved to find her enjoying love, the way he used to dance around the final reward, indulging in prolonging every beautiful moment of bliss with her. When his lips left her mouth and neck, Richard loved to find her round and soft yet trained and hard. It was an intoxicating mix. Her breasts so full and inviting even when she lay on her back, her nipples erect when his palms teased her, fingers following to play, the soft hardness leaving a hunger for more in his mouth when he sucked her. He kissed his way up and down her body, felt her muscles and her hips, so beautifully round they merged perfectly with her belly and that little button on top of it. If he had fantasized about her before, had appreciated her flirty smiles and her swinging hips, Richard now praised her for what she gave him. Her neck so sweet when he buried his face in it, her breasts competing with the roundness of her belly and her soft enough thighs to be his favorite part of her, it was the touch of her hands that made him sing her name. Firm but tender, her hands moved over his butt and back up to his head, fingers tickling him, nails scratching – he couldn't care less if she marked him as hers. Her mouth on his neck now, her tongue fighting with his when he let her in again, their mouths hungry for more of each other and then hungry for air. His body ached for her, it was almost painful to have her touch him so unrelentingly. She gasped his name when he sought her approval to melt with her, Richard didn't hesitate and rocked her hard. Her rhythm was slow with him, desperate in a way but tender. It was mix that made him fall. When her moans became louder and his breathing more frantic, his body was completely aroused by the feeling of her breasts pressed against his chest and one of her legs tugged around his waist. It was his name that fell from her lips when she came, so hard she pressed her head into her pillow, trembled and raised her hips to take more of him inside of her. Moving her other leg around him to hold him closer, she encouraged him to rock her deeper. His release overwhelmed him like a wave of endless pleasure. Rocking with him, Laura held him close when he screamed her name into her neck, pushing inside of her until he had given her everything his body yearned to give.

It was a year that passed until they were routine. His wife garnishment to his job, a born representative, an excellent First Lady to Caprica City. Laura his colleague and lover, discrete in her job and skilled in his bed. No one guessed she was more to him than just a friend.

With the years passing by, Laura learned to live with the inadequacies of her position in both his life and his cabinet. She loved him, couldn't say no to him, was trapped – it didn't matter how she put it, he made her smile.

It was her house she missed the most when he ran for President. Hotel suites they were making love in now, always a different town or a different bed. Another inadequacy she got used to. It was his job that came first, she knew that much and when her mother fell ill, she welcomed it. Richard was her break when her mother's condition deteriorated before her eyes. She welcomed polished hotel rooms and room service most in those times.

It was Richard who held her after her mother had passed away. He came to see her in her house and never asked a single question apart from "are you okay?" - she loved him for that. She loved him more when he wiped away her tears, a silent bystander to her grief when it hit her hard two weeks after the funeral. He didn't know what to say, let her cry, watched her mourn her mother she had been so close to all her life. Losing her meant facing pain so ferociously, asking him to make love to her was the only way to stay alive.

When the crises came, one after another hitting his administration, it was her arms he came running to, her advice he was seeking. Long estranged from his wife, it was Laura who was his ground to rise from. When she found the knots in her breasts under a shower in some hotel, he was long back at the office, dealing with another crisis. Flirting with him on the morning of her final results, Laura was clinging to a desperate hope of false alarm. Business as usual, she tried to function on that. When the doctor confirmed her deepest concerns, she shook her head and shut it out. She needed air, she needed space. It was her mother who haunted her and tainted her perception. It was her decision to settle the teachers' strike that stirred her uneasiness. When she walked into his office, he thoughts were raging back and forth between her diagnosis and the union. His lips on hers, his hands so obviously in need of her, she pulled away from him to get some room. She knew he would dislike her decision, she didn't care so much about it as she feared his reaction to her cancer. When he asked her to resign, she saw his anger and his confusion. It was much later that she understood he was concerned about her walking away from him rather than losing his face.

When she walked out of his office, a bad feeling in her gut made her shudder. She waved it off, blamed it on the meds she had taken with not enough food on her way to him. When she learned about the destruction of the Colonies, her heart stopped like that of everybody else on Colonial One. When his death was confirmed, she mourned him like a widow but couldn't show her grief or wear a veil. It was her aide she passed some stories on to and also Lee. They both reminded her so much of him like sons they never had. It was a secret between them, so she felt, one no one revealed or spoke about.

With the days and weeks and months that passed, Laura grew accustomed to the fast changes of life on the edge. Every day was a struggle to survive and time seemed to move faster now after the apocalypse. Fighting a two-front war against her own body and the military, she didn't have time to dwell in her misery or pain. She moved on until there was nowhere left to move on to. With death overcome as well as defeat, with New Caprica behind her and a trial lost that meant redemption for her more than anything, Laura felt she was where she had started. Pushed in a corner, a cheerleader for herself, her cancer back to nag on her. It was Bill Adama she tried to rely on now. With Billy dead and Lee Adama estranged from her, she leaned on him when he offered her his shoulder. It was he who supported Dr. Cottle in a more radical approach to her cancer. Diloxin instead of Chamalla extract. She resented that idea but agreed. It was the meds that gave her a hard time sooner than she thought. _The cure being worse than the disease_, she remembered her mother saying those exact words to her. It almost killed her to face her own possible death like that.

It was Bill who added to her pain but also cured it. It was a strange mixture like that that kept her on her toes. Withdrawing from her when she faced the unrelenting truth, he rushed to her side when she least expected it. She was too close to it all to see her feelings though. When she returned from the baseship she had found her revelation on, it was clear to her now to embrace his love. When Earth destroyed the last spark of hope inside of her, crumbled all of her strength and literally turned humanity's survival into ashes, Laura rose from it all with a confidence she had long forgotten about. Left alone in her desperation, she faced the truth and did what was her only way out. She decided to live. So when she threw out her meds and went for a run, she knew it was moments like that she had missed for too long. So when Bill let her in, allowed her to breathe for the slightest of moments, she embraced her love for him with all her heart. It was light like that she had missed, the feeling of joy and bliss, a moment of being woman again. He gave her that and more, filled her with life, made her feel special again. With their society brought to its brink of existence, Laura felt strangely alive inside. She absorbed all the energy love was giving her until there was no more.

When Bill reconquered Galactica after a mutiny had started on their watch, she was glad to hear his voice. When she returned and had no words left to express her relief about finding him alive, she saw that something had changed. It was not so much a sudden change but a final crack that was visible now in his eyes. It alerted her but she didn't have much time to process it. With the Quorum of Twelve executed by Tom Zarek and his rebels, Laura pondered about the future of humanity and her own. With Lee Adama by her side, she solved the problem the way she thought was right but the lack of hope and support was like her cancer, unpredictable and spreading.

It was the arrival of a raptor that turned things around once more. The final revelation of the missing fifth Cylon. Ellen Tigh, it was almost a cynical joke Laura found, but the surprise she brought with her shocked Laura more than any of the stories Ellen Tigh was ready to reveal.

When he stepped out of the raptor, Laura gasped. He was thinner than when she had last seen him all those years ago, had lines around his eyes, his hair was white and his face stubbled. He looked tired, restless even, he looked good.

"I brought you Cavil's prime prisoner for your entertainment, Laura." Ellen hummed in that way of hers. And she spoke to Richard like a pet. "I always thought he's rather good-looking, but don't tell Saul here. He gets jealous so fast." Ellen laughed and hopped off the raptor's wings. Averting her attention to Bill and then Saul Tigh, Ellen left Laura and her souvenir alone in their shock.

"Richard," her voice was filled with pure emotion when she met him halfway to embrace him.

"Laura, you look... stunning." She knew it was a lie.

It was after their questioning of Ellen that Richard was assigned Laura's currently unused quarters on Galactica. Standing next to him to show him around, she briefed him about their current status and the past few years in a summary that left no place for laughter. Bill followed their steps wherever they went and only added a comment when Laura addressed him to do so. That he didn't like to have Adar around was putting it mildly.

When they returned to his quarters, Bill didn't hesitate to express his disapproval to her ears alone.

"Of all the people in the universe she had to bring Richard Adar. Is this a frakking joke?" He poured himself a drink. "Not enough that we're using Cylon technology on Galactica now, no, we're also hosting all of our former presidents of prick it seems."

"Thank you," Laura sat down on the couch and shot him a mocking smile.

"Present parties excluded." He rested beside her. "Although I must say, you were happy enough to see him."

"I had an affair with him for twelve years." She said calmly, taking his glass to take a sip.

Staring at her for a moment, Bill got up to refill his glass and remained standing. "Twelve years?"

Laura nodded and saw him heading to the bathroom. "Do you want to talk about this now or are we done with this? I really don't want to wake to you staring at me asking _twelve years_." Giggling, she followed him into the bathroom and met his stern gaze. "Sorry, I know, it's a sensitive matter."

"You never mentioned it before." Bill started to shave.

"It never came up. It's not exactly pillow talk material, you know." She smiled coyly at him in the mirror.

"He was married."

"Yes, he was. But it's a long story." Laura pulled him into an embrace and kissed his neck.

"I've got time." He glared at her in the mirror.

"How often do you want to shave tonight?" She returned playfully and he chuckled at her evasive remark.


	2. Chapter 2

It was days that passed until the awkwardness of seeing him strolling through Galactica was wearing off. She sought his advice, argued with him, listened to his stories from the basestar. She was humbled to hear he had experienced the same kinds of visions during jumps like she had, only she had been his special guest star in most of them.

She showed him around Colonial One, and it was a week or two until she got together with him in his quarters to talk other things than politics, his captivity or the fleet. It was the cancer he asked her about, mentioned the wig he had spotted right away, asked about her life. He was sad when she mentioned her relationship with Bill Adama but then he wasn't surprised. He just wanted to know.

„So what is this between…you know." Richard asked with hesitation.

"Bill & me?"

He nodded.

"It's complicated." She met his hesitation.

"So were we."

"No, this is different," she answered absent-minded. "He loves me, I know that much."

"I loved you, too." Richard walked up closer to her.

"I know." Laura took his hand to reassure him that she did.

"But this isn't enough." He caressed her hand with his thumb.

"It should be, I know."

"You have doubts?" Her hand felt good in his, soft under his touch, warm, comforting.

"Not about my feelings, no."

He stopped. "Then what makes you so pensive?"

"It's, I don't know. His ship comes first, then his men."

"Military man." He shrugged.

"I guess."

"But you said he loves you."

"He does. But I keep wondering what he loves more."

Richard smiled. "You think you see a pattern here."

"This isn't about how much you loved your career, Richard." Laura understood what he meant.

"I know I always put it first but..."

"You put it first and then your marriage." She raised her eyebrow and met his smile.

"That's not true."

"I tend to disagree."

He chuckled. "I missed that."

"What, me disagreeing?" She laughed and welcomed his careful embrace.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too." She paused. "I mourned you so long, and I moved on. At least I thought I did. I'm not so sure anymore."

"You opened your heart for him."

Remaining in his arms, she smiled again. "You really cannot say his name, can you?" She placed a kiss onto his cheeks.

"I avoid thinking about you with him. Is that so bad?"

"No, it's not." Her smile turned sad.

"Why are you not happy? I thought you would be after you said you were in a relationship."

"Sometimes I doubt I was made for being happy."

"Don't say that, Laura. We had good times." He moved his hands into her hair.

"Yes, we did."

"So what's the problem? He's not married, is he?" He teased her with his hands and words.

"Only to his XO." She giggled and waved off her own remark.

"That's not the issue you are worried about, is it?"

"You always knew when I kept something from you, didn't you?"

"At least I had a hunch. I never knew what you were hiding though."

Laura sighed, trying to find the right words. "He drinks."

"He's under a lot of pressure I assume." His hands fondled her neck and back in tiny little circles.

"Not that kind of drinking. He used to do that. This is different, it's a problem now."

"He's drinking on the job?"

"He's drinking whenever he can, keeps a bottle with him wherever he goes. He tries to hide it from me."

"It doesn't work." He looked deep into her eyes.

"No, it doesn't." And she lost herself in him.

"Did you talk to him?" Richard asked after a beat.

"I don't know what to say. We had a fight once when he was drunk. He's not necessarily a cute drunk if you know what I mean."

"He didn't hit you, did he?" The concern was evident in his voice.

Laura shook her head. "He wouldn't do that. Yell at me, yes, be cruel with words, never touch me, no."

Richard paused. "You do love him."

Laura looked at him quizzically.

"You worry about him but you don't want to ruin what he is giving you."

Laura looked at him without an answer. "I..."

"Now I see your pattern." He brushed away some hair from her face.

"What do you mean?"

He caressed her cheek before he answered her. "I never made you a priority, he does the same."

"I don't know if..."

"You have so much love to give but you get hurt, so you pull away."

"I'm not pulling away." Laura felt his arms around her hips pulling her closer.

"Yes, you are. You pretend to accept him the way he is but you don't tell him he is hurting you. You let him be, give your love when he allows you in, walk away when he pushes you aside."

"I don't... I mean, what am I supposed to do? I'm not his mother." She rested her palm on his chest to keep her distance or to feel his heartbeat, she wasn't sure.

"No, you're not." Richard held her tight. "I know you never wanted anybody to change you, disliked when someone tried to handle you. This isn't the same."

"It's his life." She whispered onto his neck.

"And you share it with him."

"He doesn't owe me anything."She resisted the urge to kiss his skin.

"Wait a minute," Richard pushed her away far enough to look straight into her eyes. "He owes you respect, isn't that what you told me like a hundred times before we made up after I pulled something stupid?"

"There you go, you know my lack of consequence when it comes to love." Laura rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes when he placed a soft kiss onto her head.

"So he's drinking?"

"Yes. And he's hiding pills from me. I know he's taking them."

"Is he ill?" His hands freely moved up and down her body now.

"No, I am. I think that's his way of dealing with it."

Richard shook his head. "Talk to him."

"What am I supposed to say? Hey honey, I know you're drinking, I know you're taking these pills, stop it. It's destroying you. I don't think that would work."

"He's stubborn."

"You might say that. Passive aggressive also nails it pretty accurately. I told him that much, he wasn't open for that discussion either."

"He's a fool if he doesn't see it's destroying you as much as him."Richard brushed his lips against her forehead.

"I won't make him choose if that's your suggestion." Laura answered him with closed eyes.

"Well, you should. You should've done the same with me." He kissed her again.

"You would never have risked your career."

"I loved you more than you know, Laura." The silence that fell upon them was heavy.

"I want you back, Laura." He whispered after a while, his arms holding her even tighter than before.

"You can't." Her voice met his whisper. "I love him."

"I know." He didn't let her go.

"I cannot make you my affair." Laura caressed his cheek. "I cannot devide my love like that."

"I think you already do." He leaned in to kiss her softly on her lips. Fighting him at first, Laura soon flung her arms around his neck and welcomed his tongue to dance with hers for a kiss that brought back memories of nights of passion, moments of joy, struggles and lonely times. They had never been perfect, that was her pattern. She never was with any man.

When they broke their kiss, his hands buried half inside her skirt and under her top, Laura leaned her head against his chest and cried in silence. Placing another kiss onto her hair, Richard understood she had just kissed him farewell but clang to the spark of hope her tears promised him was left.

"You always liked exclusives." His voice was full of grief.

"I did. But I always made too many compromises."

"Then tell him you won't anymore. He has to prioritize. And if he doesn't choose you over a bottle, I'll be here for you."

"Don't wait for me, Richard. The knock you're waiting for may never come."

And her _may_ assured him that she was dancing around a them again.

When Laura opened the hatch to the admiral's quarters what felt like hours later, it was Saul Tigh who met her on his way out. Shooting her a concerned look, he took her aside to utter a few words. The smell of alcohol unmistakably stinging in the air.

"I'm not sure you wanna be in there now, lady. He's had a rough day."

Her voice met the Colonel's low volume and almost sounded presidential and matter-of-fact. "How much has he been drinking?"

"You know he does, don't you?" Tigh nodded more to himself than to her question. "Too much if you ask me, and I'm not necessarily a standard you want to measure your drinking by."

"What's his reason today?" Laura was clearly unamused.

"The same reason he's been drinking for weeks. He's losing his ground. He's mourning you."

"I'm still here. There's nothing to mourn." Her voice showed a hint of anger. "We all found Earth destroyed, we're all struggling, we all dislike to be surrounded by Cylons. No offense."

"None taken. I do agree that I'm part of the problem. I don't know what to do about it though. He doesn't let go." The XO placed his hand on her shoulder. "I thought you would give him comfort, I didn't think you'd give him so much grief."

"I don't know what to say to him anymore." Laura hoped to find some advice from her partner's oldest friend.

"Neither do I. And I don't know if there is anything left to say." He paused, clearly fighting with words before he went on. "He tried to kill himself, asked me to kill him to be precise. Did you know that?"

Laura's eyes went wide in shock. "Oh my Gods."

"He was drunk when he came to see me, clearly lost his footing. I know he had before with you being sick and all but this was more than a depression. Ask Lee, he's picked up the pieces of his father from the floor when you were gone. Wasn't able to handle your possible death, never faced it. Earth destroyed, you giving up on your meds, it kills him."

"I'm not giving up on anything." Laura tried to defend herself but found Saul Tigh waving her off.

"I'm not passing you the bug here, lady. It's in his head. He thinks you handle him with Lee by your side. Don't you know he always tries to do the right thing? He's clinging to ideals he has, always did. That's the pedestal he puts people on and judges life as a failure or success. He's..."

"...stubborn like that." Laura nodded, the expression on her face a sad one. "What am I supposed to do?"

"What do you usually do in situations like that?" Tigh shrugged.

"I never had a relationship with an _addict_. I was hoping you had a wise remark in the back of your hand." She shot him a small smile.

"Don't let him pull you down along with him. Push him off the edge if you have to. He has to fall hard to be able to get up again." His words were sincere.

"I don't know if I can do that." She closed her eyes.

"I saw you handling Baltar, lady. I saw you on New Caprica and kicking ass whenever you had to, you have that ice water running through your veins when you need it." Tigh removed his hand gently from her shoulder. "If you want to face the problem, now is as good a time as any if you ask me. If you want to avoid it, let him sleep it off."

Laura nodded when she opened her eyes again and prepared herself to enter Bill's quarters. "Thank you, Colonel."

"Any time, ma'am. If there's one thing I can do it's deliver an ugly truth." He grimaced a smirk and stumbled off, risking a look back at where she was standing in front of his friend's hatch. Shoulders straight, head up high, he wondered if she would be President Roslin again for the night.

When Laura closed the hatch behind her, she took a deep breath before she turned around. Scanning the room in its half-lit darkness, she made out his form on the bed.

"I didn't think you'd be coming tonight," his voice was gruff from the alcohol that hung heavily in the air.

"Why wouldn't I?" Laura walked up to him to sit by his side or seek his embrace. She remained standing when she saw his face.

"I just thought you had other plans." He stared at her in cruel precision.

"Richard knows I'm in a relationship with you, if that's what you're worried about." Her voice was calm.

"Did you have to remind him?" He got up to refill his glass, chuckling aggressively.

"I'm not here to discuss Richard with you." Laura crossed her arms before her chest.

"Then why are you here, Laura?" He poured himself a drink, never offering her a glass to join him.

"Bill, what is this?" She approached him from behind and placed her hands gently on his shoulders. Waiting for him to approve, she slowly moved her hands around his waist to embrace him.

"I know you were talking to Saul about me outside." His voice was low.

"Yes. He is concerned about you. So am I." Laura placed a soft kiss on the back of his neck. "You're drinking too much."

"I am not." His answer was matter-of-fact, no options open for debate.

"Yes, you are," Laura whispered onto his skin and let him go. Following him with her eyes when he sat on the couch she saw the emotional turmoil behind his eyes. Anger, despair, frustration, it was a dangerous mix. When she sat down next to him, she placed one of her hands on his thigh to caress and soothe him. It was minutes that passed, his glass empty before he spoke.

"I am not drinking too much, end of discussion."

Laura sighed and shook her head. "This isn't an attack, Bill."

He interrupted her, controlled in his anger and aggression. "I said end of discussion. I won't talk about this."

"I wish you would because if you're not talking to me, I wonder who you would be talking to." She moved closer to him on the couch and gently removed the glass from his hand. "Bill, look at me." She moved her hand to his cheek to fondle it. "Your doubts and your anger and your fears are not going to be drunken away."

He looked at her with so much rage in his eyes, she finally understood how deeply he was hurting. "You are telling me I shouldn't numb myself while you choose death as an exit from all of this?"

It was like an earthquake that hit her when he uttered his first words. "You put it on and you put it off, that's what you did from the start. You evolve with changes that come your way, you adapt, you survive. But for what? Earth? That cruel joke of a planet? That nuclear desert?" He grunted in his erupting rage. "You don't even want to survive so badly yourself, you gave yourself up for humanity to survive, worked on the legacy of President Roslin rather than your own petty life. You don't cling to Laura so much as to Roslin. You gave up on her until you decided Roslin didn't get you where you wanted so you killed both of them, bit by bit. And what is left is a shell of you with a title and all you do, day in and day out, is wait for death to succumb you. I'm sorry if I don't want to witness your decline with my eyes open and my mind unfogged."

Laura gasped. His words hit her hard, harder even than the first time the alcohol had spoken to her in his voice and revealed his anger and frustration. She fought to keep her composure, withdrew her hand from him and controlled her shaking as best as she could. Feeling like running away from him, she found herself sitting instead of moving, a forced smile on her lips to cover up her pain.

"I love you, Bill, I never..." Laura licked her lips to find the right words to follow her broken vow but her head was empty and his form long gone while she was still sitting on the couch, collecting her thoughts. His answer never came and he never returned to hear her out.

It was 5am when she woke curled up on the couch, the sound of the hatch closing from the outside ripping her from unpleasant dreams. A blanket on her legs, a pillow under her head, a pot of coffee on the table waiting for her, it was his way of apologizing. It wasn't enough this time. Whoever believed that actions proved more than words had no idea how deep words spoken in rage cut into the soul. Words cut deeper than a knife, that was true for Laura, always had been, and she found herself pulling away like Richard had told her she would.

It was days that passed, her health giving her good days and bad ones, she hadn't seen much of Bill or Richard alike. She was avoiding them both for different reasons and found herself diving back into the duties and work load of a presidency that was still hers by title.

Lee never asked about her problems with his father, felt uncomfortable addressing the issue. It was like getting involved in his parents' affairs and that was the last thing he wanted. So they stuck to political issues, fleet reports and the occasional frustrating debate. He knew he could still learn so much from her.

It was her suggestion to move Colonial One back into the fleet that made him understand how complicated things must've gotten between the President and her Admiral. He followed her reasoning though and agreed. The President should be amongst her people and not hidden from the public eye, protected by the military. Hew saw her point and guessed the problem.

It was his father's cold agreement to follow her wishes that made Lee dare to utter a plea for reconciliation. "There isn't a problem," was all he got before his father poured him a glass of Ambrosia.

It was a week after their fight that Laura took a shuttle to Galactica to speak to Gaius Baltar when she spotted him waiting for her in the hangar bay. Bill.

"Madam President." His voice was formal but welcoming. He had missed her.

"Admiral." She accepted his hand to get off the shuttle.

Waving off his men, Bill offered her his arm and led her through the corridors to meet with Baltar. The silence that surrounded them was awkward but when he moved his hand to the small of her back she knew there was a chance.

"I hope to see you after your little one-on-one."

Laura nodded and entered Baltar's facilities, smiling after him when he walked away.

When she knocked on the hatch to his quarters, Laura felt a blanket of uneasiness enveloping her. It was hard to analyze if it was the joy of anticipation or nervousness that made her heart beat faster when the door opened and she met his surprised eyes.

"You don't have to knock, Laura." He invited her in.

"I just, you know, I don't know what's appropriate now." She felt like a little girl.

Locking the hatch from the inside, he approached her carefully and her uneasiness increased. Closing her eyes to the touch of his hands on her body, Laura listened to the sound of his mumbled praise when he undressed her. Piece by piece, it made her heart beat faster, and when he led her to the bed, she sunk onto it with knees weak and wobbly. Lying down, she observed how he undressed for her, his arousal evident and soothing her doubts. When he removed her glasses and her wig, he looked at her with that smile she loved so much.

"You are beautiful," his words made her glow and it was the feeling of is body resting on hers that sent the first wave of bliss through her bones. She had missed the intimacy with him, his hands on her skin, his mouth covering hers, the way he adored her breasts. When he kissed her neck and inflamed her thighs with his knowing touch, Laura relaxed in his care and knew she was home. When he moved with her to give her release and fill her with his, he whispered her name like a tantra, spurring him on, making him high. His name on her lips when he felt her tightening around him, he followed her satisfaction moments later and collapsed. Resting on top of her, the smile on her lips reassurance enough that she had met her peak, he pulled her into a lingering kiss. When he moved to the side to take his weight off her, Laura moved along to stay entangled with him for as long as she could. For all it was worth she wanted to hold on to what he was offering her once more. An afternoon, a day, a week. It was life she had embraced again, and she intended to savor it. Every single sparkle of happiness over grief until she would slip away from a life she thought had ended twice before.


	3. Chapter 3

**... And a Quiet Little Death  
**

Laura felt the steady rhythm of his heaving chest against her back when she woke at a time that was both too late and too early to get up. Blinking her eyes to check his alarm, she closed them again as soon as she felt his arms instinctively cuddling her closer. Shifting her position to be in full contact with his naked form, Laura smiled, the warmth of his body gave her so much comfort. When she opened her eyes again, she allowed them to adjust to the darkness around her and scanned the room. Her clothes on the floor, his own carefully hung over a chair not too far from his bed. She shook her head. _Military man, even in the throes of making love_.

It was the sound of her muffled giggles that ripped him from a dream both tender and dark. Eyes shut, he placed a soft kiss onto the back of her head and mumbled her name in a state of slumber.

„What's so funny?" Bill buried his face in her neck and stifled a yawn.

Broadening her smile, Laura hummed a playful „Nothing," into the room.

„Then go back to sleep." He kissed her again.

Laura, carefully maneuvering herself around in his embrace to face him, rested her hand on his naked chest and placed a soft kiss onto his lips, allowing her fingers to play with the white curls of his hair.

„You have to stop drinking." Her voice was careful and calm, her eyes comforting when his dark blue met her sea green in confusion.

„What time is it?" He grunted.

„Too early to get up." Laura smirked at him.

„I'll be the judge of that," he raised his eyebrows and reached over to the nightstand to check his clock. „It's 3am, Laura."

She nodded.

„Go back to sleep."

„I can't." She tugged at his arm to rest her head on it.

„What are you doing?" He chuckled.

„I'm getting comfortable." She placed another kiss onto his lips.

„For what?" Bill was too tired to hide the skepticism in his voice.

„We need to talk." The smile on her face was suddenly gone and her eyes showed him true affection. „I'm worried about you."

„There's no need to be worried." Bill tried to hush her with a kiss but she put her finger onto his lips to stop him.

„Oh yes there is." She was sincere.

„I am not drinking too much." Bill leaned back into his pillow. „And I really don't want to discuss this with you."

„Bill, I know times are rough for you." Laura lay on her side to look at him.

„There's no way of escaping this, is there?" He sighed.

„Honey, please." The look in her eyes told him enough to listen. „I think you have a problem and you're trying to hide it from me."

„Doesn't seem to work." His remark was less playful than he had intended.

„No, it's not working for either one of us."

„What do you want me to say?"

„I want you to face what's hurting you. I want the pain to go away." Laura put her arm around him to hold him close. „Talk to me."

Lying next to her in silence, Bill welcomed her embrace. Minutes passed until he kissed the top of her head and whispered, „I cannot lose you, Laura." And he cried so silently it broke her heart.

„I am right here, Bill." She met the volume of his voice, reassuring him. „I'm not going anywhere." Feeling his head dropping to rest on her neck, she closed her eyes and whispered her support into his hair, her hands caressing him to give him strength.

His voice was calm when he found his words again. „You seem so detached from all of this. I don't know how you do it." Bill pulled away from her long enough to lean back and gather her back into his arms.

„I have my moments." She gave him a sad smile.

„Never around me." He fondled her skin.

„Oh, I do. You're just too preoccupied to see it." Laura soothed her words with a kiss. „I cannot live up to who you want me to be, Bill."

„I just want you to be you." He was puzzled.

„No, you don't. You have that image of me in your head. The strong, healthy leader. Full of hope, full of light. I'm none of these things."

„You are to me." He looked deeply into her eyes.

„I am going to die, Bill. You have to face it." Her voice was small.

„You're dying because you chose to."

Laura shook her head. „You know that isn't true."

„You threw away your meds. You quit your treatments." Bill controlled his frustration.

„I chose the life that's left for us, don't you see? I rather cherish what we have right now for three months than suffer for two more and not feel like food and love and the touch of your hands." She propped herself up on one arm to look at him directly, her hand resting comfortably on his chest again. „I love you, Bill. It took me so long to see it but now I do. How can you possibly ask me to give this up, you and me here in one bed, your skin on mine? I feel and breathe your touch, don't you know that? The treatments took that away from me, the mere chance of making love to you. I wanted to be hungry for your love, but I was too weak to think about it, my stomach too busy rejecting food and my head too achy to enjoy an argument with you. I wanted more than that, more than your voice soothing me with a story and more than a sad smile and your hand on mine. And I got it. I took it. I chose you and you were there. Don't you understand? That's what life should be about, you and me, outside of sickbay, away from meds that poison the only thing that keeps me going every day. I love you too much to give this up, I love _us_ too much, the us we are without drugs and meds and alcohol."

Staring at her for a moment he found his lips moving before his head kicked in, his heart answering her instead. „I'm afraid of not having you around, Laura. I numb myself to avoid thinking about Colonial One without you, your scent gone, your smile and your touch so far away I won't even remember your voice. It scares me to see you like this, running. I feel as if you're running away from me. You've been so many steps ahead of me so often, where will I go without you? Who will tell me that I'm wrong, who will push me far enough to work with the Cylons when you're gone, when you're a memory in my head that's too good to be true and too precious to let go. I am asking you, how am I supposed to face this without an escape?"

Leaning down to hide in his embrace, Laura answered his question with kisses so tender they killed his agony. They lay in silence for a while, pondering about what had been said. It was Bill who spoke first, his voice calm.

„I cannot promise that I'll quit."

Head resting on his chest, Laura answered him in a half-asleep whisper, „You will have to."

„What am I supposed to do?" Bill pulled the blanket around her body to keep her warm.

„Let me love you, that is all."

„It's not as simple as that."

„It can be." She snuggled up close to him while dozing off.

Bill caressed her cheek. „What's the bargain?"

„You have the choice, the bottle or me."

„As simple as that?" His voice was gruff.

„As simple as that." Laura mumbled. „Now go to sleep."

He kissed her tenderly before he closed his eyes. „I love you".

„About time." She answered barely audible, and smiled.

**The End**


End file.
